On Chaos
I dislike the 'problem of choice'. There is too little time and too much to do. Facing this dilemma of prioritizing one thing over the rest, and feeling guilty about what's left is draining.
I have concluded that this chaos in life will remain till I die. I will always face this problem of choice. It's sad to know that your life will be this chaotic. And you cannot do much about it.
But all this chaos has often made me wonder, why is life this chaotic in the first place?
I mean, if I exercised or practised what I preached - All I want is to go live in the mountains all by myself and get better at writing. This lifestyle involves no fancy stuff, luxuries, and not much travel. It's quite simple and also doable. For me at least in this very moment, I can leave everything I have or I am building and migrate there.
But then why don't I? What am I waiting for, sitting here and ranting about chaos?
Well, I can conclude that there are 2 possibilities for this
1) I only like the illusion of peace the 'Living in the Mountains' idea gives you
Think about it for a minute -
- All the people and family that you find irritating and bothersome vanish
- You don't need to keep up with socializing or feel bad about missing out
- You have control over your time ( extra control) and maybe even more focus
- If you live frugally, you may be able to sustain this lifestyle for at least 2 years without earning a single penny
All these options give you a sense of having a 'choice'. The choice is that you can leave your hard and tiring real life, any day you want. So every time something unwanted or bad happens, you just think about this option and be at peace again.
You don't immediately decide to leave because you know that mentally you aren't ready to bear the consequences the decision brings along. But the idea is good enough. It may be exercised at some point in the future.
2) You want to solve this problem of chaos but find it very hard to solve
In reality, you don't want to run away to the woods That's like your plan Z. Rather you want to bring order to this chaos that exists in your life. Going to the mountains feels like running away from the chaos. It's not a solution. It's an alternative that invites a different set of unimaginable problems.
So every day you try to the best of your abilities to put everything in place. And yet you fail miserably than you did yesterday. It's the same as seeking affection from an unrequited lover. The harder you try the more drained you feel.
So the only thing you might have to your advantage right now is your time. Which again feels like passing at the speed of light. In this finite time, you need to choose which option to take and how soon to act upon it.
What adds to the fire is that you see people around who are making their way by adding to the chaos and not by solving it. Everything they think, feel, do, or say is more chaotic than what already exists and yet they find their place in the world. While you who are unproductively striving in the pursuit of order are in total disbelief. You know I think that the saying 'opposites attract' is working out here.
In Conclusion
But at the end of the day, I still find this problem of chaos super intriguing. Because it can alter how I think and feel about my skills and capabilities.
So, I want to explore in-depth and learn more about:
- What is Chaos?
- Where does it come from?
- Why we as a state and civilization are so chaotic?
- And what good ever comes out of it?
If you have an interesting POV or approach to dealing with chaos or something that you find relevant to this topic, shoot me a message at @ makingitsimplefortheworld@gmail.com