24 lessons I am gifting my 24-year-old-self
"Turning 24 is closer to 25 and farther from 21. Ughhh! I hate growing up..."
Earlier, I used to say it as a joke. But now that I have finally turned 24, I don't feel much of a difference, just a digit changed. Why? Well, because I felt I already grew up when I turned 21, and since then, I have been on a rollercoaster journey of experimenting, failing, being scared, sometimes cocooned in my comfort zone, and sometimes breaking out of it.
A sad, depressing, but real side note:
I cannot stop myself from growing old. One day, after living the life I am supposed to live, I will die, and maybe in a few years, I will be forgotten, fading gradually from the memories of people I was once super close to. Just like our great-grandparents, in due time, our parents, and then us. The cycle of living and life goes on.
When you live this way, it can feel a little too overwhelming and sad. Because no matter how much you ponder about it, itâs going to happen anyway. But sometimes in a year, itâs important to see life this way to recall that even in the here and now, when we might feel like the most important person in our lives, there will be a time when nobody will know we existed or remember us (unless, of course, you are a scientist, a writer, or somebody who created something extraordinary). Some of these folks had the magic to transcend time and space with their work. (PS â I wanna be one of them too :-)
Note ends.
This was a note to self: because sometimes, I take myself and my life literally too seriously and emotionally.
But if you asked me, âIf given the opportunity, would you live another 100 years as if you were just 24?â I would say a hell yes! You know why? Because there is so much to learn, to figure out, and to articulate. I would like to do that myself and then help others see the good in the world too. I could dedicate those years to the act of service by teaching what I have figured out.
So here are 24 lessons I would like to gift my 24-year-old self:
1. Find a bigger meaning to life than just living
Live for something that extends beyond you. Choose from anything that makes up a societyâfamily, culture, education, economy, politics, or solve any of the big problems that exist in society: education, health, climate, acts of service. Finding a bigger meaning serves a two-fold purpose:
One, it keeps you grounded, young at heart and mind, and motivated. Working on something larger than yourself does that!
Two, it is your sure-shot chance to create genuine impact in the lives of other people beyond your family and friends.
2. Be intentional about everything you do
Intentional doesnât mean choosing what to do and what not to do. Not all of us have that privilege at a certain age.
But in case you are doing something for others, something as small as helping your grandparents walk from one room to another, calling a friend to check up on them, offering advice or help to a relative, sitting in the sun, or laughing at a reel: be intentional, because out of the finite time you had, you chose to take out a few moments to do that thing.
3. Stay away from toxic people
Toxic is any person who is in a constant zone of comparison, selfishness, entitlement, lack of empathy, illogical thinking, or a constant pursuit of making others feel less; someone who disregards education and humility.
Living in itself is a crucial affair, and such people have the knack to make it harder for themselves and for you. Earlier, my younger self would have badly wanted to burst their bubble, but now Iâve realized thatâs not my job. Just set clear, respectable boundaries. If they are meant to, life will teach them a lesson in due time.
4. Living is one thing, and thriving is another
Living to make ends meet is the easiest thing to do. Just serve capitalism, follow the path society has set for you and boomâyou will hit all the milestones: the family, the house, the car, the bank balance, the kids, the vacations.
But you will also face all the crises: the sense of meaninglessness, the never-enough feeling, the feeling of being a cog in the wheel, unfulfilled relationships, lack of joy, lack of self-belief, and a constant feeling that you could have done more.
Can you choose not just to live, but to thrive?
5. If you think you can be kind, be kind
Being kind doesnât require money, power, or status. To be kind, all you need is to be kind, without thinking twice. You could be kind to a kid in your neighborhood, a distant acquaintance, a stranger on the street, your parents, siblings (only be kind sometimes), your friends. In a world where everything is transactional, kindness should be free, to accept and to give without expecting anything in return.
6. Lack of knowledge is an invitation to learn, not an excuse to hide behind
In social and professional settings, you will often realize you donât know a whole deal. And I do not mean facts and figuresâthere is AI for that. I mean concepts that concern humans: philosophy, psychology, politics, economy, business, arts, music, technology. Donât be a know-it-all, but for sure, be curious about all.
Why? Because as humans, we love to create meaning and add value, and you cannot possibly add any value by just cramming what others have told you. You can create value by adding to what others know: by connecting the dots, seeing patterns, being a fool who wants to figure it out.
7. If you can, try to free your time from money, at least some of it
I havenât reached this stage yet, but I know I need to do that. Earning money by trading your time/life is an optimizable argument. You can reduce the time and increase the money by upgrading your skills, building a product/service: plenty of info on that online, pick what works. But the key here is to know: how much is 'enough' for you?
Because the goal is to figure out how much money would be enough, and then get to that figure as soon as possible. But the catch is, have utmost clarity about âenough.â Why? Because money can be indefinite; time, not so much. And the utility of money is finite, but of time, infinite. I am still defining my enough⌠so I know itâs a hard process.
8. If you do not have a bigger vision, every small thing will trigger you
People, circumstances, problems, threats, the environment, all of it may trigger you. Learn and accept that there is no possible way to control and optimize for being the best everywhere. But there is a sure-shot possible way of not getting affected: choose one thing, settle for one thing, and then make it the best. You are allowed to be just average in others, but with your visionâno compromise allowed. Itâs a trade-off, but itâs worth it!
9. Seek advice, help, and guidance and seek as if you deserve it
People like giving advice; they like forming a contextual mentor-mentee relationship. In something, they can be your mentor, and in some things, you can be theirs. Figuring things out on your own feels great, but taking help from someone living, or the ideas and insights of those who are dead, is grounding. The goal is to not compromise momentum in that one thing: your bigger vision. Because you can climb on the shoulders of giants and forge your path ahead.
10. Consistency over magnitude
I havenât been able to actualize this much, but I know that this is the real goal. I have an all-or-nothing mindset with things: diet, exercising, writing, money. And this doesnât serve me; rather, it restricts me. This lesson is almost everywhere. I am writing it down so I can work on it.
11. Read and learn about people whose thoughts or work you admire
The self-help side of YouTube can be a dark place because people you admire are optimizing for a metric. If somebody calls themselves a coach or guru, and they make money from that adviceâŚOkay, this one is hard to articulate. I will take advice from a content creator if I want to be a content creator. I will take advice from a finance person if I want to get better at my finances. But I wonât take advice from a content creator about managing my finances.
You get that?
If people who give advice arenât making money from giving that advice on YouTube or selling you a course after that, I would feel that they are genuine. Or else, they arenât.
12. Donât give too much of anything: time, energy, and attention to things that donât matter to you
I have often found myself trying to help people way beyond what my means allow, in terms of money, energy, and attention. This has a high cognitive bearing and can turn into resentment in the long term. Because some people might never return your intangible investments in their lives. And the despair of the same is lethal and painful.
Some of us are givers, but havenât learned how to take. Itâs a major blocker: you canât take help, canât take energy, canât take attention from anyone without figuring out what you might need to give them in return. Thatâs you being toxic towards yourself. Be careful.
13. Try to especially do things that you think you fear
Answering back to parents when they seem or sound illogical. Telling friends or coworkers if they step over a boundary or hurt you intentionally. Demanding space if you need it, even if people might treat you differently afterward. Any small or big thing that houses some kind of fear in you confront that, address thatâeven if you make progress in baby steps. Never let anything scare you to the level of inaction, mental paralysis, or escape. Never! I am working on this one too.
14. Read, read, read & watch, watch, watch
Especially philosophy and fiction. Why? Sometimes you need to give yourself a break from reality and take a step back to look at the larger picture. Why? The answer is because you can.
Obsessing over and optimizing for finitude is one thing; embracing it and laughing at its nature is another. When you read good fiction or philosophy, you realize how inconsequential a being you are (laughable). And all of the problems that feel or look like Mt. Everest right now wonât matter in the larger play of things. Donât take yourself too seriouslyâonly a few years until you die. Laugh or cry!
15. Keep on asking yourself: Do you have any regrets?
If you do, do something to change that! My worst fear is being wrong in the eyes of my parents and grandparentsâafter all, these are the people I really love. But to be correct in front of them, I had been delaying or putting off things that were important to me, and even worse, lying and being delusional about myself.
In order to maintain balance, I had done quite a lot of injustice to myself. I knew I would regret it once it exceeded the threshold. Have I done anything yet? Nothing monumental, but I am aware. I know I have to change that!
16. Be the black sheep (methaphorically)!
Once you start earning X, you cannot go to Xâ1. That is what society tells you. So you keep on the hamster wheel, running to make sure you are at X+1, then X+1+1, then X+1+1+1.
Now it would feel great if X is way beyond your reach, and you crack it on the first go. But dude, then X+1 would be harder, X+1+1 even more. And if, God forbid, the market or some internal/external factor doesnât allow you to go to the next level, you will hate yourself. You will hate yourself more than anybody else can. One requires a lot of mental flexibility and awareness to not get bogged down by that metric.
So if you think your real potential is X, start by actualizing Xá10. Let the world see you at Xá10.
You need to give yourself enough breathing space, and slowly build to X and then X+1âtake your sweet time. This is just a vanity metric and not an actual measure of your potential. Play the game, play it safe.
17. Donât live in the ghost of your future
There are several things that youâd want your future self to do, have, and be. And itâs great to be ambitious. But donât be too hard on your current self just to please the future version of you. Invest in that book, that skincare, that dance class, that reading club now. Indefinitely planning and saving for the future self should not deprive your current self of happiness. You will be 24 once, and you owe yourself to make yourself happy.
18. Define happiness for yourself
Giving up on what society says will make you happy is a superpower. But when you give up that definition, you ought to create one for yourself. Something that tingles each cell in your body, something that feels like a heavy load is lifted off your shoulders and you can finally breathe. Work on that definition; keep iterating as you go. And fulfill that, no matter how far or close you are to your ideal self or goals.
19. All of us are Sisyphus! Just choose what kind of boulder you want to keep pushing up the hill, to do it all over again
For me, the ability to read and write and create novel meaning through my expression has been my boulder. The only catch: what others might see as a boulder is actually your dream come true. Let people think whatever they want. What matters is you know that itâs not a boulder. (Let it be your sweet little secret.)
20. Your ideas may seem too big, and their real-life transformation might not even be 10% of it
The Instagram account, the book or newsletter you are writing, the YouTube channel, the startup, the NGO: it could be anything you have visualized building, at least 100 times a day. When you start taking action in that direction, things wonât go your way, or exactly the way youâd want them to. And itâs okay. Thatâs the messy bit. Power lies in pushing through, no matter how tacky and far from imagination the reality unfolds. Because as you persevere, you will eventually get to a level of happiness with your work. Just donât quit already.
21. Find your tribe
Going solo is fun. Do it often. But when it comes to work, community, and building: having a tribe makes all the difference. You just need to be there: online groups, offline communities, emailing someone or DM'ing if you love their work.
Going a little out of the way to offer or take advice, sharing a referral, connecting friends with friends, speaking good about people genuinely, not bearing any hard feelings. You donât want to end up being alone. It can get dark.
22. Writing cannot happen sitting at a table
I learned that I could not be a writer by just sitting at a table confined to the four walls of my home. It was a major blocker. I may sit in my room to write in solace, but to figure out what to write about, I had to venture into the unknown. I had to look at people I know from a fresh point of view, as if I had met them for the first time, as if I were wearing their shoes and seeing things from their perspective. Why some people choose to stay, why some people choose to leave. I needed to witness humans in all their forms. I needed to witness how we learn, persevere, answer the toughest questions of life, move about our days, set goals, hate, love, experiment, fail. I had to witness firsthand the spectrum of being human.
23. Earning money is not a bad thing (I am still learning this the hard way)
I, for the longest time, feltâand at times still feelâthat earning money is a bad thing, that it distracts me from my main goal of building an edtech startup and scaling it. I have to do all the right things and say all the right things in my journey of building that. If I earn money, Iâm going to be caught up in a whirlwind which I can never free myself from. And much of this still stands true.
But hereâs the catch: whatever you want to build or offer, build a mini version of that, and try to offer it. If people are willing to pay for that, they are likely willing to pay for your big offerings. Seeing money come into your account for what you do best is a muscle. Itâs like a mini psychology course. If you cannot earn a little, how in the world can you scale that and earn a lot?
24. Pay yourself with time
Having lakhs in the bank account sounds nice, but not at the cost of not having 2â3 hours for yourself in the day, for eating clean, exercising, spending time with loved ones, exploring new places, traveling, and meeting new folks. All these things canât be solely done with money. They demand time. So you need to pay yourself first and make that non-negotiable.
List Ends
This is a running list, and as I turn 24 today, I feel bittersweet because writing these lessons felt easy, but making sure I practice them in reality is hard. If I donât practice them, I will gravitate towards a version of myself I wonât like. So even if itâs not 100%, I am learning to stick by these lessons, with the hope that these lessons will keep the present-me and, ofcourse, the future-me in a much better physical and mental state.
Ciao!